Kitten prefers my boyfriend over me

IsaPisa

New member
Mar 3, 2023
2
2
So we got the cutest 3 month old kitten not long ago.
Very quickly (approx. 3 days after getting him) he started to prefer my boyfriend's company over mine. He adores him and won't leave him alone anymore. When it comes to me, our kitten doesn't exactly dislike me, but if I wasn't there it wouldn't bother him much.

And I've tried SO HARD. I play with him whenever he wants too, I'm the one to feed him, I clean his litter box, try to give him enough attention and space at the same time - and so on. We barely make steps forward and if we do, it's the tiniest step (like recently I could make him sit in my lap, pet him and make him purr for ca. 2 minutes. After that - nothing for days).
We think this is because unfortunately, during the first couple of days, while I still played a lot with the cat and was very loving and attentive to him, my boyfriend had to do the feeding and cleaning of the litter box all by himself. Also, our cat seems to have separation anxiety and my boyfriend gets up before me in the mornings, so he is the one to "save" our kitten from - what it must feel like to the cat - the agony of being alone (we sleep in separate rooms).

I'm surprised by how sad this makes me. I love our cat and I wish he would love me back just a bit more.
My boyfriend is overwhelmed, too, but for the opposite reason: the cat doesn't leave him alone anymore, constantly craves his attention; he doesn't get one second to himself.

We both are okay with our kitten liking my boyfriend more, but we are wondering if there are ways to redirect some of the attention he gives my boyfriend onto me; make him spend a bit less time with my boyfriend and a bit more with me. Is there anything we can do? Is this going to get better with time? I try so hard, but sometimes I just want to give up. I'd be grateful for any tips! 🐈
 

SirMeow

Administrator
Staff member
Nov 25, 2021
446
504
Unfortunately, cats tend to choose their favourite human and there's not much you can do about it.

In my case, my friend homed a young female. She's quite feisty, very choosy and very territorial, yet bonded with him immediately. I come and visit and... she hates me! Total rejection lol and in 8 years, I've gotten precisely nowhere with this precious madam. ❤️

I've fed her many times, but nothing. I put catnip on my hand, but she went kind of crazy aggressive, bit my palm (drawing blood no less) and ran away! I didn't make that mistake again.

So yeah, we love them lots, but sometimes they just don't understand that and treat us like the enemy, sigh.

Welcome to Feline Forums. 🙂
 

KittyJ

Moderator
Staff member
Apr 27, 2021
448
638
@SirMeow's right! Cats kind of have a one-track mind; they choose their favorite human and that's that. Although, cats change as they get older just like we do so don't give up entirely. Also, just because he prefers your boyfriend over you doesn't mean you two still can't be friends.
 

Ariannajono1

New member
Nov 1, 2022
5
6
It can be challenging when a new cat shows a preference for one person over another, but it's important to remember that every cat is different, and it may take some time for your cat to warm up to you.
Building a bond with a cat takes time, patience, and consistency. Keep trying different things and stay positive, and your cat will eventually warm up to you.
 

IsaPisa

New member
Mar 3, 2023
2
2
Hey, thank you all for your replies 😊 I have good news: not long after I initially posted, surprisingly our kitten and I had a couple of sweet bonding moments. At least I think that's what they were (and not just a one-time thing).

As I said, it's absolutely okay if he prefers my boyfriend over me. But both my boyfriend and I would be very happy if our kitten redirected some of his energy onto me. So that my boyfriend finally can breathe a bit again and I get some bonding moments with our cat, too. It's me who wanted to have a cat badly after all 😅

There's still a long way ahead of us, but I feel like we're on good way. All in all I feel way more confident that it's worth keeping trying and that things will change eventually (they kind of already did - at least a bit). As you guys said, I'll be patient and take things one step at a time. ☀️
 

SirMeow

Administrator
Staff member
Nov 25, 2021
446
504
Oh yes, when it comes to cats, infinite patience (and then some) is often required. You need to be generous with the treats as well since we know that's the one thing that animals of whatever species really respond to.

Glad it's going in the right direction.